The Two Hours I Forgot About My Son (And Why I'm Not a Bad Mom)

It's a Monday night, and my husband's favorite football team is playing in the national championship (Go Canes lol). We drop our son off at my aunt's house for a sleepover - his first one ever.

I should be excited. And I am. But I'm also a little panicky.

What if he wakes up in the middle of the night looking for me? What if he doesn't want to sleep and we show up late to pick him up? What if he forgets who I am entirely and decides my aunt is his new mother?

The catastrophic outcomes feel endless.

The Drop-Off

Still, we drop him off. He goes down like a champ. Twenty minutes later, we're walking into the bar.

People ask how the baby is doing. Saying how big he's gotten. Someone asks to see updated pictures. Then the game starts. I order a beer and wings. The bar is loud, everyone's buzzing with excitement. We talk about an upcoming wedding, someone's new romance, someone else's rekindled flame.

At halftime, I run to the bathroom, fix my hair in the mirror, and think: What time are we going home? What should I make for breakfast tomorrow?

And then it hits me.

I haven't thought about my son since the last person asked to see a picture.

Two hours ago.

When the Mom Guilt Hits

Immediately, my chest tightens. Am I a bad mom? I miss him so much. I hope he's sleeping well. I hope he doesn't think I abandoned him forever. I can't wait to pick him up tomorrow morning.

If you've ever felt this way - the excitement, the guilt, the confusion all happening at once - let me tell you something gently: you are not the only one.

Motherhood has a way of bundling all of these emotions together into one big, emotional hot mess that can honestly make or break a night out. Feeling light for a moment - independent, present, free of responsibility - does not equal neglect. It does not mean you're selfish. And it is not proof that you're a bad mom.

Love does not require constant mental monitoring.

What's Really Happening in Your Nervous System

Here's what I've learned about postpartum mom guilt and why breaks feel so complicated:

Your nervous system has been in survival mode since becoming a mom - scanning for danger, always on alert. When it finally senses safety (baby is with trusted family, you're in a secure environment), it can rest. That's not neglect. That's healing.

When your nervous system learns that there is no danger, it creates space to be present. To hear other people's conversations. To get caught up in the football game. To think about next time. Vigilance turns off when there is safety. And constant monitoring isn't health - it's survival.

Becoming a mother doesn't erase the woman inside of you who enjoys picking out an outfit, putting on makeup, and hoping for uninterrupted time with her husband. It doesn't erase your independence, your desires, or your identity as a woman and a wife.

Both Things Can Be True

What I realized that night was this: both things can exist at the same time.

I can miss my son deeply and enjoy space from him. I can love being his mother and remember myself for a moment. One does not cancel out the other.

And that doesn't make you a bad mom. It makes you human.

Even Scripture reminds us of the importance of rest. In Mark 6:31, Jesus tells his disciples, "Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while." Rest isn't selfish. It's necessary. It's how we steward ourselves well so we can show up fully for the people we love.

Now, maybe God didn't have a night out at the bar watching football in mind when he said that, but I digress. Rest isn't selfish. It's necessary. It's how we steward ourselves well so we can show up fully for the people we love.

When the Guilt Spiral Starts

The next time you're out enjoying yourself and the mom guilt hits, try this:

Name it: "I'm feeling guilty, and that's okay."

Ground yourself: Take 3 deep breaths. Put your hand on your heart.

Remind yourself: "My baby is safe, and so am I."

Pray: "God, help me receive this rest as a gift."

Taking breaks as a new mom doesn't mean you love your baby less. It means you're learning to regulate your nervous system, honor your needs, and trust that you can be both a devoted mother and a whole person.

You're Not Alone in This

This is exactly the kind of conversation I want to hold space for in The Bump 2 Baby Village - my free community for Christian moms navigating pregnancy, postpartum, and early motherhood. A place where we laugh, name the guilt, remind each other we aren't broken, and return to God's truth when the noise gets loud. Join us here.

If you're struggling with constant mom guilt, anxiety, or feeling like you've lost yourself in motherhood, I'm here. I help Christian moms move from survival mode to peace through nervous system regulation and faith-centered coaching. Let's talk.

Because motherhood was never meant to be done alone - and neither were these quiet moments of doubt or relief.