You Don’t Have to Be in Crisis to Deserve Support
“I didn’t know it would be this hard, but I’m handling it… right?”
“No one warned me I’d feel this way, but I’m not that bad…”
“I’m not having dangerous thoughts, so do I actually need to talk to someone?”
“I’m feeling pretty good most days… but when it’s bad, it’s really bad.”
If you’ve had any of these thoughts (and I’m sure you already know what I’m going to say lol), you’re not alone. I’ve had all of them.
Like…
“Do I actually need help?”
“I know something feels off… but does that count?”
Yes. It does.
You don’t need to be in full-blown crisis- drowning, watching everything crumble- to say, “Hey. I need support.” There is help before the worst-case scenario.
So many women wait for rock bottom before they give themselves permission to get support. You do not have to.
And if you’re in that in-between space, wondering whether you can figure it out on your own- keep reading. Because feeling “off” is data. It’s not drama.
The Crisis Threshold Myth
Somewhere along the way, support became the hail mary.
We treat it like:
when I can’t sleep
when I can’t eat
when I’m crying nonstop
when I’m a danger to myself
Therapy is for emergencies. Help is only normal when you’re not okay.
But what about when you’re kind of okay most of the time?
What about the gray area of postpartum life?
Most moms are managing. They’re showing up. Packing lunches. Responding to texts. Running households. Handling the day-to-day stress.
But what about when you finally get a quiet moment and have that silent cry because everything you’re carrying feels heavy?
It’s a quiet stretching that most other people wouldn’t notice.
But you notice.
You know what it feels like to not feel like yourself.
That alone is enough justification for emotional support.
What High-Functioning Strain Looks Like
This doesn’t always look dramatic.
It can show up as:
unexplained anxiety
chronic irritability
snapping more than you want to
resentment you don’t mean to feel
emotional distance
feeling disconnected but still productive
And when you zoom out, it feels heavy.
We’ve been taught that if something is manageable, we should tough it out. The storm will pass. Just pray harder. Be grateful.
And sure, storms pass.
But that doesn’t mean you have to white-knuckle your way through them.
You are allowed support before collapse.
What Happens When We Wait Too Long
Here’s what happens when we wait until crisis:
Your nervous system is already overwhelmed.
It’s been running in high-alert mode for months. It’s adapted to constant pressure. And it’s much harder to regulate from rock bottom than it is from early strain.
That quiet resentment toward your husband because his life didn’t change as drastically? That leaks into communication. Intimacy shifts. Connection thins.
The version of you that you want to become? She gets put on the back burner.
Support is harder from rock bottom than it is from prevention.
It’s like waiting for your phone to die before charging it. If you plug it in every night before bed, you don’t end up stranded on the side of the road at 2%.
Preventative support is wisdom, not weakness.
The Nervous System Reality
And this is where the nervous system comes in.
When we keep telling ourselves, “It’s not that bad” or “I can handle it,” even while we feel stretched thin, our bodies don’t interpret that as strength.
They interpret it as sustained pressure.
That’s why when you finally get time to “rest,” it doesn’t feel restorative.
Low-grade stress over time still activates a stress response.
Even if you're functioning.
Even if you're smiling on Instagram.
Even if everyone thinks you're fine.
High-functioning anxiety is still anxiety.
Chronic irritability is still dysregulation.
Feeling disconnected but productive is still a signal.
Support isn’t about confirming something is wrong with you.
It’s about preventing strain from becoming collapse.
A Faith Perspective (Because This Matters Too)
Let me say this gently but clearly: isolation and “toughing it out” is not biblical strength.
Even if you’re leaning heavily on God, He never designed motherhood to be done alone.
Throughout scripture, we’re encouraged to seek wise counsel (Proverbs 15:22). Community is biblical. Shared burdens are biblical.
God created your body and your nervous system on purpose.
Honoring how He created you- including your need for regulation, connection, and support- is not weakness. It’s stewardship.
You do not earn bonus points for suffering silently.
What Proactive Support Actually Looks Like
Support, when done well, looks like what you need.
It might look like:
a safe space to process what you’re carrying
education around what’s happening in your nervous system
help navigating postpartum transitions
strengthening communication in your marriage
rebuilding confidence and identity
Coaching is not a replacement for therapy. Therapy treats clinical mental health conditions and crisis. Coaching supports emotional regulation, identity rebuilding, and proactive growth in the gray areas.
Think of it like sports.
A coach doesn’t replace a doctor for injuries.
But a coach helps refine your form, point out blind spots, and strengthen you before problems become bigger.
That’s preventative growth.
And you deserve it long before things fall apart.
Let Me Say This Clearly
You do not have to:
hit rock bottom
lose yourself
wait until your marriage cracks
prove that it’s “bad enough”
If you feel stretched, that’s data.
If you feel disconnected, that’s data.
If something feels off, that counts.
It is never too early to raise your hand.
Preventative support isn’t dramatic.
It’s wise.
If you’re in that high-functioning, stretched-but-holding-it-together space — that’s exactly who I build space for.
You don’t have to wait until it gets worse.
If you’re feeling that “something’s off” but can’t quite name it, here are two places you can start:
You can join the community - a space for honest conversations, nervous system tools, and proactive support.
Or if you want deeper clarity, book a 1:1 call with me and we’ll sort through what you’re carrying together.
Either way, you don’t have to do this alone.